Barbie and the Diamond Castle

So this is the first post of a blog destined to abandoned and forgotten about within 6 months. I thought I'd start it off with the movie that gave me the inspiration to write a blog about movies. I would frequently go off on rants about the Diamond Castle when out with friends and the subject of kids movies came up.

If you're not familiar, and consider yourself lucky as shit if you aren't, there is a series of Barbie movies usually tied in with some fairy tale or ballet (seriously, there's a Barbie Swan Lake) or some crap like that. They are done in cartoon form and, surprisingly, done pretty well with computer animation. After watching the newest Jetsons movie (circa early 90's, I'm not looking it up), I can really appreciate the increase in quality that computer animation gives. But, computer animation has apparently made this Barbie crap possible.


Barbie and the Diamond Castle focuses on two sisters (?) who are dirt poor and are hungry and apparently only have one dress each. The sisters are blessed with one gift, the ability to sing (Katherine McPhee does the singing). I'm hampered in writing this plot summary because I've really never paid enough attention to the movie to actually gather plot points even though my girls have watched the movie 50 times. You should thank your lucky stars I came up with that much of a plot summary.

At some point I'm assuming they decided to make a trek across the kingdom to go to the Diamond Castle. At one point they happen across some sort of restaurant and I gather that they had to sing for their dinner. Well, let me tell you, they rocked that joint with their signature tune (my girls have a set of Barbies based on the 2 sisters and the dolls sing the song). As chance would have it there was a set of brothers (?) who were also playing the restaurant. They aren't as good as the sisters are.

After all of this, my favorite scene comes on. The sisters sit down to eat, the waiter brings them their food and the waiter backs away from the table. This is only interesting because the waiter's actions are the only known occurrence of bad acting by a cartoon. If it was a live action movie I would immediately suspect that the waiter was the writer of the movie or the director's retarded son. But, no, it's a fucking cartoon, there shouldn't be bad acting, only bad drawing. I just don't get why the waiter would back away from the table. Maybe there's a back story that got cut out of the original that would make the waiter afraid to turn his back on the sisters. This thought makes me wish they would come out with an unrated director's cut of The Diamond Castle where one of the sisters takes on the Linda Fiorentino role in The Last Seduction and the waiter bangs her against a chain link fence back behind the restaurant. While the movie is, of course, total crap, the stars are still Barbies and completely hot so a little nudity would go a long way to improving The Diamond Castle.

I don't really know how the movie ends or anything other than there is a diamond castle and a dancing dog. The movie as a whole is completely intolerable. The first time we watched it was on Christmas day. It was a Christmas present for one of my girls. Well, let me tell you, they loved it. I don't think they moved for the 83 minutes that it was on and I believe they wanted to watch it again right after they finished it the first time. The dancing dog really turned me against the movie and nothing I've seen since has made me change my mind. But, alas, I'm not really the target audience for this crap and my kids really do like it, so I guess it will do.

Since this is the first post I should point out that I'm not only going to write about kids movies, I have shit to say about regular movies as well. I just started out with Barbie because it was my inspiration.